I’m conflicted.

What do I do? Do I follow my gut or do I oblige by the norm and what other people say?

Can I live with myself if I miss an opportunity that life has to offer? Will I be okay?

God says to cast all of his anxieties onto him so that he can take care of it, but what if your anxieties are making a decision and trying to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. That is too big of a decision for a 16 year old to make. Society is making 15 or 14 year olds decide what they want to do for the rest of their life, but I don’t even know what school I’m going to attend next year. I don’t even know what clothes I’m going to wear tomorrow!

How can I decide what I want to be when I grow up?

I’m scared that if I don’t choose to go to this field hockey tournament I won’t be able to live with myself and I think that I will regret not taking this opportunity, but I don’t want people to judge me for following my heart, I don’t want there to be any casualties.

People say that you can be the richest and ripest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone that hates peaches. Why? Why is this a thing? Why am I so concerned with what other people think of me when I should be thinking of myself? And I don’t because I’m too scared of what other people will do.

I am often described as a leader, but what if I am simply a follower but I have a voice, and I’m not scared to say what I feel, but beside that I am simply just going with the crowd. Am I following the flow of life and just letting everything happen when I should be making things happen? Am I really following my dreams? I really don’t think that I am.

But, oh man, I want to be.

Cover Image: found on http://www.coppolacomment.com/2015/07/in-defence-of-conflicted-ecb.html