I don’t think I have ever heard the words “Having diabetes is a piece of cake,” come out of a Type 1 Diabetics mouth. Because I can tell you this: diabetes isn’t a walk in the park. Every day is completely different and sometimes there isn’t even a logical reason why.
Diabetes is the most infuriating battle I have ever had to face, both alone and with a group of people. Sometimes diabetes is like constantly running head first into a brick wall and only being able to see one option. Diabetes can cause you to have tunnel vision, sometimes you can only see getting passed the brick wall by going through it, and that’s the most infuriating part of the battle.
Every day is just that: a constant battle where you need to ask many questions. And sometimes you need to sigh in defeat and admit, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Because in all honesty, most of the time I don’t.
Diabetes is always a guessing game. How many Gatorades should I drink? How many units should I take? How many carbs is in this pizza? I don’t know but I am for sure winging it.
Half the time you guess and get it wrong because if you’re not right on, then you’re wrong. It’s basically like an exam but the stakes are much higher. Many restaurants have nutrition guides which helps a lot, but sometimes you eat too much.
If there’s too much insulin then you’ll go low; too little you’ll go high. If you don’t correct enough for a low you’ll remain low and if you take too much food or drink you’ll go high. It’s devastatingly frustrating.
I can’t tell you how much I actually hate this everyday battle. Some days I just want to not have my pancreas attached to my hip, because well who wants that? I mean granted it’s probably the coolest thing I own (his name is Justin Beepin II) and it saves my life. Literally. So it’s great. However, sometimes it decides it wants to fall out of my pocket or tangle up in my sliders and you just want to scream in frustration.
One of the things I always have to take into consideration is how I’m going to wear clothes with my pump. I think this is a struggle with most type 1 diabetics. I don’t know how men deal with this but as a girl I almost always go with pockets. If a dress has pockets I have to buy it.
When trying on dresses: what will I do if there are no pockets? Can I sew pockets on? Will my pump fall? Why am I even trying this dress on if it doesn’t have pockets?
When wearing shorts: Should I get shorts in a larger size so I can put my pump on the side? Are there both front and back pockets? Can the front pockets fit my pump without falling out?
There are so many aspects of diabetes that really full on grind my gears. This lifestyle is probably one of the most complicated ways of living ever.
Lately I’ve learned that the greatest life lessons can be learned from someone else. Lately I’ve been reading motherlucker.com’s post. I don’t know why because I don’t plan on being a mother anytime soon but she had a post similar to this. And it got me thinking; I have no idea what I’m doing as well.
So here was a blog post dedicated to totally ranting about why diabetes sucks.
So let’s just talk about the positives for a second because I’m a believer in looking on the bright side of life; Diabetes has allowed me to meet so many people. Diabetes has also allowed me to connect on a deeper level with more people.
Diabetes gave me courage and strength.
I don’t want to get down about Diabetes and I want this to be a relatively positive blog, but as most things in life, diabetes is super frustrating.
But I just gotta say, to all you diabetics out there: diabetes looks good on you!
And I hope you all enjoyed the throwback photos from Clara Barton Camp.
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One thought on “I Don’t Know What I’m Doing ”
Stay strong 💪🏼 so true that diabetes gives us that awareness and understanding that we wouldn’t have otherwise