This post might be the most vulnerable writing that I have published on this blog yet.
At the beginning of the school year, I struggled with adjusting to a new environment, a new social scene, a new academic system. I felt like for a while I couldn’t figure out how to put one foot in front of the other. The new rigorous academics caught me by surprise, the new high demand for perfection felt like too much and it felt as though I couldn’t meet any of my academic goals. I felt like I was drowning and no matter what I did it was never enough.
Since I was in 3rd grade I took almost bimonthly visits to see the school psychologist. Whether it was to talk about something that was troubling me or to just talk to someone about the weather, I went. When I started going to my new school I stopped seeing a psychologist, and I began bottling up feelings and stress. At first I didn’t see the effect that not talking to someone had on me. I slowly began to realize just how much I was holding in when my stress began to increase and I became more irritable. I would snap at people that just would ask me how my day was.
Over the weekend I snapped. I began sobbing and all at once I felt myself slowly fall into my self. I felt this soul crushing weight on my chest. I felt like there was something off about me and something that wasn’t right. My dad said that I needed to find something to help relieve my stress.
That is when that I needed to find something to relax me. I also realized that I needed to start talking to someone again. I needed to find myself a new outlet, whether that was through talking to a school psychologist or finding something to physically relax me that was for my enjoyment only.
On Wednesday after contacting my old school nurse about helping me set an appointment with a psychologist my Religions of the World class took a yoga class. Of course the class was hard (yoga is a lot harder than it looks) but I found myself relaxing and trying to find some sort of zen.
All in all, I think that if you are having an internal struggle, it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Humans thrive on other human connections and I think that that is often forgotten. Asking for help is never a bad thing. Sometimes all you need to do after a long week is to relax and let your feelings be shared and heard.