If Regina George Had Type 1 Diabetes then the very popular movie (and probably best movie of my lifetime) Mean Girls would have been even groolier than it is..
Regina George wouldn’t be being carried by those boys, she would be taking her pump off, testing her blood sugar and telling her teacher that she can participate in gym.
“Regina George is diabetic.”
“She has two different insulin pumps, and a CGM.”
“I hear her dead pancreas is insured for $10,000.”
“I hear she does CGM commercials, for Medtronic.”
“Her favorite movie is Steel Magnolias.”
“One time she met Nick Jonas on a plane,”
“And he told her she had a pretty pump.”
“One time she pricked her finger, it was awesome.”
Regina George wouldn’t be drinking Perrier soda, she would be drinking Diet Coke, or Diet Perrier (I don’t even know if that’s a real thing).
She wouldn’t be picking out the tomato from her salad because it’s apart of the carb total and then she would have to subtract the tomato from the total carbs and that is too much work.
She would have her meter right next to her at the lunch table.
When she says to Cady, “Could you give us some privacy for like one second?” it would be to take an insulin shot or bolus.
When Cady asks Damien and Janis what they would even talk about they would say, “Diabetes products,” or “Nick Jonas,”
Her shirt would say, “A little bit diabetic,” not “A little bit dramatic,”
She wouldn’t have to ask, “120 calories in 48 calories from fat. What percent is that?” because from dealing with counting carbs every day she could easily do that math in her head.
She would probably get cheese fries because what sane person would not get cheese fries?
She would need a much bigger purse in order to carry all of her supplies.
She would be checking the amount of carbs that was in the coffee she has.
She would be wearing a Medical Alert bracelet all the time.
The first thing her mom would say to her is, “How are you feeling today?”
At her house there would test strips on the ground, everywhere.
“I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a diabetic’s mom!”
She would have a place in her room where she keeps all of her diabetic supplies.
“My pump is huge,”
The cocktails would actually be made of Crystal Light.
Her mom would tell her how many carbs was in the drink as she handed it to her.
“Oh no trust me, I know how to play it, I’m a diabetic.”
Her parents would make sure that she had all of her supplies and that her blood sugar was in check. And they would probably call the parents of the kid who’s house it’s at just to make sure that she was okay.
“I need to talk to you… Can you tell me where the bathroom is because I have to take a shot?”
Aaron would ask if her blood sugar was okay because she was acting strange.
“Regina George is an evil diabetic. Now how do you overthrow a dictator? You cut off her resources. Regina would be nothing without her high status with the school nurse. Her technically good blood sugars and ignorant band of loyal followers.”
“It’s called the south beach fat flush and all you drink is crystal light for 72 hours.”
She would be drinking cranberry juice light, not cranberry juice cocktail.
Her blood sugars would be out of whack because she’s not actually eating and she’s drinking only sugar.
She would test her blood sugar before her lunch.
She would put on her pump after gym class before she struts out.
“So you better send me one, be-otch.”
She would have to ask for the box so she could see the amount of carbs in each candy cane.
She would be running off of the stage to get glucose tabs because she was probably low.
She would google the swedish word for carbohydrates.
She would then tell Cady she can’t because it burns carbs.
COVER IMAGE: http://belimitless.com/niksharma/life/humor/regina-george-fancy-restaurant